I don’t have a crush on anyone right now.

I did once, in 4th grade. And I was able to tell her about it and we started “dating.” But it turns out, she was a psychopathic bitch, so we “broke up.”

I’m pretty sure she never got over it. She stalked my Facebook page (before I closed it) and constantly sent me friend requests that I kept denying. Now that I look back, I wonder why I ever liked her…