Rants of 16 March 2013, part 2

(This one is potentially drama-inducing since it involves a former project that I was part of and I may have left some sour feelings of betrayal. So I’m putting under a break.)

About 3 weeks ago, I left the Coop. The reasons behind it are cryptic and maybe irrational and not for time reasons.

The bottom line was that I wanted to leave. I’ve been wanting to leave for a while, but have been persuaded in staying for a while longer. At the same time, I realized that I’d be practically cutting off communications with everyone in there.

I kept debating whether I’d miss them or not. They weren’t really my friends and I thought that I wouldn’t be missed because most of them never thought of me as a friends, either. But at the same time, I wanted to be their friend. I didn’t think it’d be so hard and even painful to click a button.

I’m still debating whether I’d just lifted a great weight off of my shoulders, or if I had selfishly betrayed everyone in there. Did I pussy out of trying to be social because of my own stubbornness and selfishness? Why the fuck am I still on this instead of moving on? If they were so unimportant to me, then why am I writing this instead of being happy with my new friends? Did I do the right thing?

I feel like a traitor. (THERE. HAPPY, SEAN? YOU WERE FUCKING RIGHT. I’M A FUCKING TRAITOR.)