I’m not having the greatest evening right now.

(Pointless and vague rant ahead. Beware.)

For a couple years, I’ve been debating whether I still love my family. I mean, I really do. But sometimes, I feel like I should just go. Not because I’m worthless. But because I don’t want to be with my family any longer. Almost like I want to break ties with them and just go away. Far away.

They’re not abusive or sinister or that manipulating. They love me, I know it.

But I think they’re smothering me with what they think is best.

I wanna go to college. I really do. I have my plans sorted out. I have my school counselors helping me out. I’m speaking up more. I’m gonna run for a seat on student council. I’m joining a gym to get healthy again. I’m making good friends with my classmates for the first time since freshman year. I’m progressing for once in my life.

But my parents aren’t seeing eye to eye. They want assurance. I will go the best college. I will dedicate every living moment to college. No time for friends or anything. Just work for your future.

I tell them my plans, and they start suggesting (read: pushing) their own ideas for me. Expand your college list (I have 11 choices). Go to every possible college fair. Bronycon? will you visit UMBC if you go? Why Illinois? Why not something closer? Get off the computer and start looking for more colleges. Keep researching. Stop drinking soda, and I know you are because you aren’t drinking enough water and that obviously means that you’re gorging down soft drinks even though we don’t have any in this house.

I dunno if it’s teenage ranting, or actually a problem. The point is that I’m not feeling well about this whole thing.

Doesn’t help that the help I’m getting is turning into removed messages like the ones above. It’s like it’s a parallel to my life. Delete the past, change everything, regret everything, destroy everything, change everything again, leave your parents, leave everything behind, you’ll be fine.

I hope I will.