My biggest Tumblr confession of all is that I’m jealous.

Jealous of everyone.

I’m jealous of all the attention that many blogs get. All the loyal followers, the jokes between friends, the fanart…

And it’s not like I never received any of those things over the last 3 years or so. Hell, I just hit 5000 followers. To many, that’s a far out dream. Even I have trouble comprehending it.

Granted, the cause of this feeling is entirely my fault. I don’t update so often, and I keep my blogs closed up tight. And I’m not exactly the most open of people. Whenever I do open up, I get nervous and feel like I’m about to anger so many people. Especially the people I admire the most.

And from the most recent posts on this blog, you could say that I’m not the happiest person around. Or even the friendliest. Of course, my friends will say otherwise but I can’t seem to convince myself that this is true.

But even then, I still want attention. I want to one day open my inbox and find so much fanart, I’d have to dedicate a single day to compile it all. I want to be open and be friendly to everyone I meet. I want to chat, talk to people without worrying or messing up. I want people reacting to my updates through unreadable garbles of excitement in my inbox. I want people to donate spare change if I ever need it. I want to show off the great adventures of me and my friends, laugh like I mean it, and just have fun on this social network.

I just want to be known. To finally not be the kid in the back of the class that everyone just skims over. Or at least be able to say hello in a big and scary chat and just have at least one person say hi back…

Ironically, this is me opening up. I think that what I just wrote is just another whiny selfish wall of bullshit, but it’s just how I feel.