Cactus Codex

Pony blogger, actual cactus, artist, writer, computer scientist, and linguist. New Jersey / Pennsylvania | 21 | male, he/him/his | asexual hispanic | Cereus repandus, or Peruvian apple cactus

A few minutes ago, I was randomly writing ideas to use in PC 2.1 and 2.2 since they are practically empty.

Now I’m at the wiki page for horse breeds trying to come up with horse puns.

Diaries is my most unstable blog at this point.

I’m constantly worrying about it’s future. One part of me wants it to just go away so I don’t have to deal with the woes of scheduling for it. But the other part just can’t part with the story around it.

REGRET ALL OVER

Today was the first day I used Tumblr Savior to block out shitty drama and stupid fucks and their comments.

Suddenly, I’m all happy and rainbows! AAAAAAAHH!!!

I hate slumps.

All I do is sit in front of the computer watching everyone else have a good time while I just do/say nothing. Things to do, but nothing pushing me to do them.

Then I complain about it online.

Worse, I start over-speculating and considering things that would disappoint tons of people (and eventually me), like closing RC and Diaries so I don’t have to deal with so many things.

I also start feeling grumpy and start thinking negative things about my friends behind their backs. I also risk blurting those thoughts out loud because of how much of a fucking jerk I am.

Then I start questioning my art and importance. Is the fun gone? Am I really a sick and disgusting person? Do I deserve all this? The followers, and my friends?

Why the hell am I so angry and depressed?